No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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