this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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