He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
