I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So here I am, sexting at work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
