Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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