What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
