O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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