Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
