so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
