How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
