omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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