Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
