he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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