I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
