make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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