He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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