i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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