Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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