i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
