dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
