My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
