It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
