At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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