Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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