Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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