I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
