just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
