Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
