So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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