this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
