guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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