So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
