I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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