Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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