i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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