I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
