Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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