I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
