i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
