He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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