I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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