youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
