Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
God I need to hump something, right now.
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