My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
