I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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