Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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