note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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