would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
