since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
