Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
