Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
