toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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