she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
