We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
