my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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